“Someday you’ll be about to die, and you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted your time crying.”

Climbing up on the mountain, he had the blues.

He looked at the blues of the lake against the blues of the sky. He had the blues, too, he thought, and shook his head at his own stupid joke – that was the sort of joke she would have laughed at just to make him feel better. But she wasn’t here with him. He wondered where she was; what she was doing. For the 12th time that day, he opened his phone and went to WhatsApp, looking to see when she had last been online. 32 minutes ago. He wondered who she was messaging 32 minutes ago. He wondered whether she had thought of him in the past 32 minutes. He was ordinarily so stoic, so unruffled by anything, until she had suddenly up and left him. This anxiety was new.

He stood up – “walk, move,” he thought to himself. He was always pushing fitness – just like Dad had taught him. “You wanna feel better? Go on a hike,” he could hear his father’s voice in his ears. “Forget about everything except what’s around you right now. Breathe. Look at those trees blossoming, son. You look like you’re about to cry – are you? Someday you’ll be about to die, and you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted your time crying.”

He stumbled along the path, suddenly tripping on a tree root and falling. One knee scraped against the ground, and he let himself just land there, pushing himself up to sit in the middle of the path. He felt like a child. “I won’t stand up,” he thought, “I can’t stand up. I can’t. I can’t.” He was having a mental tantrum up on the mountain, sitting in the middle of this foot path.

Two tears had leaked out, one from each eye. He hated these emotions; felt disgusted by them just as his father would have been. She wouldn’t have been disgusted though; the few times she’d seen him cry, she was okay with it.

Suddenly, a black cat came around the bend of the path. There were all sorts of street cats here – it was normal for the Balkans – but not up on the mountain. The nearest village was at least 2km away; what was this cat doing here? The cat stopped, still at least half a dozen meters from him, and gave a cautious meow.

He stared at the cat, wondering if the cat was judging him and his childishness, seated in the middle of the footpath. Judging his tears. He noticed the cat had a collar, which concerned him. It wasn’t a street cat, it belonged to someone.

The cat meowed again, but not in bad way. In a “maybe I want to be your friend,” way. And he thought he detected a bit of “maybe I need your help,” in there.

He raised himself to a crouched position and began moving slowly towards the cat. She – he assumed it was a she, with a pink collar – meowed periodically, as though encouraging him, each meow sounding a bit more welcoming.

Finally, he was there, cautiously putting an arm forward to scratch behind her ear. She seemed to welcome it. He gently flipped over her tag and deciphered the Cyrillic that he could only just make out – it was the nearest town. Somehow, she had gotten lost up here, he thought.

For an hour, he sat there, building up her trust. Feeding her a few raisins from his bag; making a puddle with his water so she could drink some. Finally, she crawled over next to him, and he gently placed her in his lap, stroking her. She began to purr. They sat there for another hour, and the cat settled into his lap. She just purred and purred, while he just sat there with her, looking out at the lake.

Eventually he pulled out his phone, flipping over to WhatsApp. He felt calm – the anxiety was gone, and he was sure of what he wanted to do. “Hey… I know you said there was no chance, but if you change your mind, can we talk?”

Then he put the phone away and stood up, the cat in his arms, and headed towards the village – towards the cat’s home. It would take him 45 minutes to walk there, and he would leave the phone for 45 minutes. He needed that time to know that he would be okay either way, no matter what she replied.

The cat looked up at him. “You’ll be okay,” the cat seemed to say with her eyes. “I know,” he said out loud. “I know. And thank you.”